InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "you can't see my hands..."

scorpius is setting head first into the west (pinot_scorpius) wrote,
@ 2009-08-19 18:42:00

033

[Warded Private to Anne Zeller]

I am sorry.

I did not wish to imply you were worthless and, if this has been the cause of your unhappiness, then I take the complete blame. I ended our relationship on the request of my parents, which I realize is cowardly but I must --

I believed, and still believe, that you will be happier without me. This is certainly not the best way to express these sentiments but I have not received word of your present direction, and my mother watches the owl post quite shrewdly. I do not expect you to forgive me after the affliction I have caused but I felt it necessary to recognize my faults.
[/Wards]

[Warded Private to Luke Morin]
Do you have a tea preference?

[/Wards]

[Warded Private to Teddy]
How are you?
[/Wards]

I have been truly selfish. My grandfather Malfoy has become quite ill, and I wrote earlier of the healing benefits of family. Yet, I did not know. Mother had removed us to the sea over the weekend. I wonder if we will go to the manor before school starts. It would severely dampen my present habits.

(Post a new comment)

	cutesy 2009-08-19 11:02 pm UTC (link)
	I'm sorry that your grandfather is ill. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	pinot_scorpius 2009-08-19 11:21 pm UTC (link)
	I would not be. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cutesy 2009-08-20 01:52 am UTC (link)
	Why not? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pinot_scorpius 2009-08-20 02:22 am UTC (link)
	He is a murderer? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cutesy 2009-08-20 05:14 am UTC (link)
	Even murderers have families and reasons and even if I don't understand them they have feelings and rights to. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	pinot_scorpius 2009-08-20 05:13 pm UTC (link)
	I think I know the sentiments of my family, though I do not wish death or illness upon anyone within it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cutesy 2009-08-20 05:22 pm UTC (link)
	I'm still sorry for you and hope your grandfather's health improves. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Private to Malfoy puffdragon 2009-08-19 11:24 pm UTC (link)
	Er... Genmatcha is my usual tea of choice. Why? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Private to Morin pinot_scorpius 2009-08-19 11:29 pm UTC (link)
	I must make amends for my behavior. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Malfoy puffdragon 2009-08-20 06:43 am UTC (link)
	~~I had an effect?~~ Oh. Well, I hope things work out better then and, er, my sympathies to your family in regards to your grandfather's health. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Morin pinot_scorpius 2009-08-20 05:11 pm UTC (link)
	I do not know how things could work out better. I have already waited too long to take action. (Reply to this) (Parent)

Strongly Warded to Malfoy

anne_zeller
2009-08-20 02:39 am UTC (link)

Wha

You

I

So what happened? Did Michael put you up to this after smashing your face in or did you just realise your new girlfriend is a prude?

Because I've been doing my best to honour your request for me not to ever contact you again and I'm having a really bad day and I don't need to be made a fool of again right now. And I can't see any reason why you would decide to explain things to me now when you were so happy to just drop me without an explanation a few weeks ago.

~~I want to see~~

I remember you told me Slytherins lie and you did a damn good job of making me think you understood me and that you cared about me. And that I knew you and I could trust you and I could tell you things.

~~I'm in Abery~~

And if this is some sort of trick to gloat about how you never cared about me at all while I went and fucked up my life, I'm really not up for it.

~~I miss you~~

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Strongly Warded to Zeller

pinot_scorpius
2009-08-20 03:36 am UTC (link)

I do lie. I manipulate people. I use them for my entertainment. Yes, and thus you've no reason to believe me. But there is no benefit to me in apologizing to someone who half the school considers a ~~whore~~ loose woman -- other than to clear my conscience in the deed and to offer my own sentiments on the situation, which have been greatly distorted.

I

I did not wish to make a fool of you. I tried to warn you but I allowed my own affections to interfere and I apologize for allowing a relationship that should not have been at all. I tried to play both the part of the purist and the blood traitor, and it is not possible to sit the fence in the present political environment. Moderation, it appears, is not useful in politics.

~~I have failed~~

Which is what I intended to convey when I said that I had been delusional. Because, although it is irrelevant now, I did not find you to be worthless. You are beautiful, and kind, and compassionate -- and I am truly sorry that the way I chose to preserve what I found most precious in my life at the time destroyed it.

I will always ~~love~~ respect you, and I do hope you find someone who is worthy of loving you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Strongly Warded to Malfoy

anne_zeller
2009-08-20 04:07 am UTC (link)

Posting to me privately doesn't mean anything. You could take anything I say and use it to have a good laugh with Urquhart over.

You and everyone else tried to warn me. I know. I made some stupid decisions because I thought maybe what I wanted might actually be important.

Do you think that nobody told me how dating you would only make me a stupid half-blood statistic? They did. And I thought about it. And I decided in the end I didn't care because I cared about you more important than any label.

Not that my feelings factored into anything in the end, did they?

I'm a complete screw up. There's no way you could honestly still respect me if you ever did as you claim.

I want to believe you so much it hur

I can't stop cryi

I

I'm staying at the circus. In Aberystwyth, Wales. That's my present direction. ~~I want y~~

You can prove that you're telling the truth now by not telling anyone that ~~And coming to see m~~. And if you're lying I expect I'll be seeing some of your purist friends in the next couple days.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	Private to Scorpius flashily 2009-08-22 05:11 am UTC (link)
	I am considerably better, thank you. How are you? When I saw you last I was so distressed I could scarcely think of anything apart from myself. I apologize. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Private to Teddy pinot_scorpius 2009-08-23 07:14 pm UTC (link)
	It is good to hear you are better. I suppose I have been better, but I created my present situation and I must live with the consequences. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Private to Scorpius flashily 2009-08-24 04:26 pm UTC (link)
	It is good to be better. I was at a point where I was not certain I would. Consequences cannot be escaped, it is true - whatever we may do, our actions will follow us to a degree. But they can be alleviated, and I hope such will happen in your situation. (Reply to this) (Parent)